8/26/09

First Entry:
I've only been to one movement class so far. I've found out that I am very self-conscious. I'm not a huge fan of people watching me move or wearing black. I'm also not a huge fan of watching myself move, so the mirrors kinda freak me out. I'm really hoping that I can kinda get over some of that stuff and be a little more free about moving. That's really all I can say at this point. It makes it easier when everyone in the room is doing the same thing though. I don't know if this is a crazy idea, but I'm thinking of taking off my glasses when I go to class, because I can see well enough that I don't bum into things, but I think it would remove some of my inhibitions about taking risks because I wouldn't have to worry about breaking them and I wouldn't be able to see everything clearly so I wouldn't know exactly what I looked like, so I wouldn't worry about it as much. I don't know, maybe that wouldn't be too helpful, we'll see.

So in stage combat we talked about anger and how we're not allowed to express it in our society. We also talked about the four reasons why people fight. I like to say it's the four places where violence comes from. I think they were: Greed, Survival, Need and Righteousness. We did the exercise where we had to create a scene with violence based on the three questions, Why do we fight? Why do we continue fighting? and Why does the fight end the way it does? I think there was also a question about why we fight the way we do. I noticed that everyone in every scene fought differently. The way they fought changed not only depending on their reason for fighting but also on their relationship with the person they fought with, and the physical circumstances. I really liked Kami and Meredith's scene where they were strangers and they were lashed together, so they were really limited as to what they could do physically and they didn't have a really personal reason to fight with each other, they just wanted the same thing and each had to get it before the other did. I mean, you fight differently with someone you know than with someone you don't know. But maybe not, maybe by the time you start smacking each other around all bets are off.
So I was thinking of the four sources of violence today. I was at work and one of the guys was telling me how he'd like to strangle one of our co-workers. And I was trying to decide which of those sources his desire for violence came from. The only thing I could think of was anger, but I tend to think that's just a by-product of any of the four. And while this guy is describing his violent fantasies of death and maiming to me I know he'll never do any of the things he's saying. So maybe violence is the first impulse of anger or annoyance but only the four can actually result in it. I don't know, it's interesting to think about.